Only in Los Angeles: The Rental Car

Photo by Fred Kearney @fredasem courtesy of UnSplash

Photo by Fred Kearney @fredasem courtesy of UnSplash

A woman I know needed her car bumper replaced after a parking lot fender-bender. After a day in the shop, they told her it would take a week for the right bumper to arrive, so she needed to rent a car.

As luck would have it, she had a travel gift voucher from one of the big car rental companies.

 She called the car rental company, and they sent a courtesy driver to come pick her up and drive her to the car rental lot.  She waited on her porch, the driver arrived at her home, and she slid into the back seat. This is how their conversation went:

 Driver: Are you renting a car for a vacation?

 Woman: No, I was in an accident and my car is in the shop for a week.

 Driver: Is your car badly damaged?

 Woman: No, just the bumper. I don’t even drive my car that much. It’s a 2011 Honda CRV and I only have thirty thousand miles on it.

 Driver: That’s low mileage. Maybe you’d like to sell it?

 Woman: No, I love my car. 

 Driver: You should let me buy it. You’d love a new car even more.

 Woman: No thanks. I feel safe in my car.  I’ve been in car accidents, and I get nervous driving. I won’t even go on the freeways. 

 Driver: So you don’t like to drive fast?

 Woman: Not at all.

 Driver: So driving like this would scare you?

 The driver accelerates up to seventy miles per hour, weaves in and out of traffic, and nearly side-swipes several cars. He speeds up to a red light and then slams on the brakes, skidding to a stop an inch before hitting the car stopped in front of him. 

 Terrified, the woman puts her hand on the seat in front of her to steady herself. She looks up and sees the driver’s eyes glaring at her in the rearview mirror. He sees her fear and chuckles.

He plays the acceleration trick two more times on the two-mile journey to the car rental lot. She stares at her feet and prays that she will survive.

 At the car rental office, he stands to the side and stares at her while she goes through the paper work with another employee. She feels his eyes boring into her, but she does not look at him. She wants to complain but is too afraid; after all, this man knows where she lives.

 He walks her to her rental car. The driver side window is down, and as she gets in and closes the door, he puts both hands on the open window, leans in and whispers –

 Enjoy your rental car.